Everyone has those days that are their best and worst days. My best days were meeting and marrying my wife, Danielle, having my four kids, and meeting Jesus. My worst day was April 8, 2000. I just celebrated one year anniversary in the marines. I was promoted to Lance Corporal and selected to be part of a training exercise with the MV22 Tilt-Rotor Osprey. It was exciting to be one of the first infantrymen to fly in the Osprey. I served in 3rd BN 5th Marines as a machine gunner. Upon arrival at the airfield we were notified our helicopter assignments were switched. My best friend was now stick 2 and I was assigned to stick 1. During descent, the rear Osprey an engine stall. We watched as the bird rotated upside down and crashed. 19 Marines were lost that day. My best friend George Santos was a far better man than I. Life felt like a gamble.
The memory of the 19 Marines that gave their life that day, was a war in my mind as I raised my own family. PTSD is a fog you live in. It invades your ability to make rational decisions, and pervades your sleep with vivid dreams. It clouds your values and interrupts your thoughts.
Eventually, with the stresses of life, my PTSD began to cycle. Owning my own business, managing a DIY home purchase and raising three kids was a big weight soon after my wife’s employer downsized and laid her off. My capacity to cope BROKE. We needed help.
The Vet Center and VA were well equipped for veterans, but my wife and children were effected also. They needed support and asssistance. Additionally, it became evident how little was known about mental illness and depression in our community. We were on a journey to find our own means of healing for the whole family.
Danielle, previously worked in interpersonal adjustment for expats working overseas. In the turmoil of our family, she recognized the symptoms of cultural adjustment in myself. Through research she discovered a large void in readjustment for veterans post WWII, and yet connected past experience and skills to the needs associated with readjustmet related to the family responsibility and veteran responsibility to build connection and trust in a circle of repair and return. She recognized my turmoil, my grief and my strife. In the trusting relationship of family and our marriage, she helped regain rhythms, purpose and created a place for grief and healing.
We sold our home in Orange County, California. Said farewell to dear friends and family. Sold our belongings. Purchased an RV, and began an unknown destination of traveling the country. We needed open space, less bills, less stress, and more time with one another. We needed to find hope, and feel joy again- for our survival.
Our road trip brought clarity. It was a long and intentional process to recovery that we have come to realize will be life long. It is a process you live again and again, and a process others can learn for their own journey. We found the answer all along was to slow down and live intentionally, focusing on the ones we love. I was fighting a war in my mind every second of every day. I needed to realize my family was what I needed to fight for to align to God, Family and then country. Veterans are trained for battle, but we forget what the war is for- it’s for freedom, for hope, for the ones we love, for this beautiful nation.
It is through our lived journey that we connect community resources, developed curriculum and built a culture of trust and process of healing for families of our armed members and veterans. Our homestead reminds our veterans of freedom, hope, their family, and the beauty of this nation as we help them align their priorities and gain autonomy in the process of adjusting back home. The homestead and all associated activities strive to engage the great outdoors with their spouses and children. Please support and join our journey.
